The Fair Strife
by Puffie
Summary: The Fairs were worried on the Strife's bland display of affection. They set out on a mission to help them, and learns a shocking truth instead. Cloti/Zerith with OOC-ness and crack humor


**Hello guys, this is my first FF fanfic and I hope you'll like it. I have been a silent fan of FFVII since I watched AC years ago and now I finally got the courage to engage with the fandom.**

**This story is set in an alternate scenario where Zack and Aerith didn't die and the gang was able to defeat Sephiroth and stop Meteor in some way. Sephiroth found a momma in the Lifestream and is a happy dead person. Denzel's family did not die and Marlene is with Aerith's momma. Everyone is happy okay? (Except for Vincent maybe.)**

**WARNING: This is a Cloti/Zerith fanfic and this is written for mature readers. If you're not comfortable with sex then I do not recommend you this fic. If you're expecting smutty or pornographic sex scenes, this is not your fic either. There is OOC-ness in here and it's a borderline crack fic.**

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><p>-<strong>The Fair Strife<strong>-

Before there were Strifes and Fairs, there were only Cloud, Tifa, Zack and Aerith. They paired up and married and established their livelihood. Unlike what the meaning of their surname the Strifes, Cloud and Tifa, pretty much lived under a fair weather in the past two years. Like them, the Fairs, Zack and Aerith are doing well, having very few cloudy days.

The Fairs own the only flower shop in Midgar. Business was pretty good for the monopolists, and like their colorful flower shop, their relationship was blooming like rainbows. Zack and Aerith were so sugary sweet that they were mistaken as newlyweds everytime they parade the streets.

Then this was where the Strifes were different. In their own wedding and their wedding anniversary they didn't kiss or even held hands. On Valentine's day (not Vincent's day) Cloud and Tifa didn't date, nor ate chocolate nor do anything romantic. Usually, the atmosphere around them was as gloomy as their 7th Heaven bar. Because of this, they were easily mistaken as friends most of the time.

And this made the Fairs worried.

One night Zack asked his wife as they lay on their bed."Hey Aerith, what do you think of Cloud and Tifa?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean as a couple?"

"I think they make a lovely pair. Why?"

"No, what I mean... aren't you worried that their marriage life is probably getting stale?"

"But they just got married two years ago." Aerith bit her lip and recalled the image of the couple; always in black, rarely smiling and no energy. "But they have been like that ever since so you can't say they got stale..."

"Are you saying that they're stale from the start!"

"Oh no! What if they're still too shy with each other?"

"Oh no! That would be bad! How would their boom-chika-pow-pow life be?"

Aerith gasped, "What if their pow-pow-chika-boom life is also stale?" She ubruptly got up from her lying position as she had the sudden realization.

Zack followed her and got up as well. "Then it's our duty to help them as their best friends!"

"Yes honey, we should teach them that love is like light that should always shine through!" The Fairs held hands and stared at each with fiery passion for a newfound mission they were thinking.

That's why when the Strifes invited the Fairs to live on the other half of their duplex, they did not hesitate to move in. It was a perfect arrangement: each side of the duplex had two floors, the upper ones that were made of wood and metal will be for living while the concrete lower parts would be for business. Cloud and Tifa already owned a bar named 7th Heaven while Zack And Aerith continued their flower shop business.

Since the Fairs' side had more space, their side would be used as a garage for Cloud's motorbike, Fenrir, and Zack's "flowerbike", Daisy (named by Aerith.) It would be a good arrangement for their cooperative business. But of course, the ulterior motive of the Fairs was to monitor the Strife's love life and offer them the help true friends should give.

During the moving in process, the Strifes helped the Fairs a great deal. The men were in charge with the large furniture while the women fixed things in order and prepared food. As what the Fairs had planned, they were secretly observing Cloud and Tifa; still, they were not very sweet with each other. They didn't laugh, crack jokes nor show anything affectionate- they acted like a mere acquaintances (at least in the Fairs' perspective.)

Aerith, pondered on her mission to "help" Tifa while helping her in the kitchen for lunch. She wondered if she and Zack were just being too judgmental and were comparing themselves too much on the other couple. While looking around, she noticed something odd on the kitchen table.

"Tifa, why do you have a Chocobo rein here?"

"Oh, Cloud used to ride Chocobos before he was able to buy Fenrir." Tifa picked up the object without an expression and brought it upstairs.

Aerith still wondered why there's a Chocobo rein in the kitchen, and hours later, she would know what was that for.

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><p>After a day of cleaning and moving in furniture, the Fairs finally got their chance to rest as they jumped on soft, cozy bed.<p>

"Zack, it's our first day here and from what I see with Cloud and Tifa, I don't see any spice in them. And it worries me since they have been like that ever since."

"It's just our first day here, we'll be able to study them more after some time."

Then there was a soft thud, followed by several footsteps. Zack and Aerith halted their conversation as their ears searched for the source of the sound. It was from the other side of the wall, opposite their heads. They could picture Strife couple walking up the stairs.

"_Tifa, I'll double check if the doors are locked. " _Cloud said in an almost audible volume, his steps getting fainter.

"My my, I think we should move to the opposite room tomorrow." Aerith whispered.

"Yeah, at this rate we won't have privacy." Zack kept his volume at the minimum as well.

"_Are the curtains closed?_" Cloud shouted from first floor.

"_Yes." _Tifa answered back.

"Honey, we might as well sleep too. " Putting one arm around Aerith and enclosing her into an embrace, Zack said "goodnight, sweet dream" to Aerith softly and lovingly. They were about to kiss but heavy footsteps from the other side caught their attention. Cloud was running up the stairs. He pushed the door blocking him, slammed it shut and locked it.

And then Tifa squealed.

Based on what they were hearing, the mental image that invaded Aerith's head: Cloud carrying Tifa in a bridal style. However, Zack pictured things differently.

_SLAP!_

"_Who says good girls don't need spanking huh?"_

"_Oww…" _ Tifa responded erotically.

Zack was right: Cloud carried Tifa on his shoulder. What came next was another squeal from Tifa and the sound of a body thrown on a bed. There were squeaks coming from the bouncing springs under the soft mattress followed by quickened breathings and naughty laughter.

"_Let's do this baby!" _ Cloud, whom Zack had known to be an introverted and soft-spoken person, sounded like a casanova.

"_Ah-ah..." _Tifa moaned along with the sounds of kisses and sucking lips, uttering her husband's name over and over until her mouth got occupied. "_Mmnnn…"_

"_Mmnnnn..."_

Meanwhile, the other side of the wall was silent. Zack and Aerith, as married adults who had their fair share of bedroom activities, know that Cloud and Tifa's train are going into one direction. As they processed what was happening, they realized something, a mistake, a miscalculation on their part: whatever Cloud and Tifa lacked, was compensated inside the bedroom.

"Zack…"

"Aerith…" He held her tighter and covered her ears. She turned towards him and did the same thing.

_**RRRRIIPPP!** _

"_Cloud!"_ Tifa cried in an airy, excited voice.

"_Hehe…"_

Zack was hoping it was just the bed sheet. He and his wife had hurriedly buried themselves underneath the layers, thinking of other things to distract themselves. Aerith pictured Vincent dancing ballet while Zack imagined Sephiroth with a curly hair. However, no matter how hard they tried, Cloud and Tifa's dialogue was just too unbelievable.

"_Cloud, at this rate I'm going to run out of panties"_

"_Don't worry, I bought another set of lingerie for you…"_

"Zack… do something …" Aerith tugged her husband's arm.

"What do you suggest I should do?"

"_And you'll just rip them all too huh?" _ was Tifa's reply to Cloud.

"_Only when they're on you baby…"_

Aerith tugged Zack's shirt. "Let's go down to the garage."

"Aerith honey, that's a great idea but they will hear us going down and realize that we had heard them."

The conversation on the other side continued. "_But hey, you wearing nothing also sound nice." _Cloud said with a naughty tone.

"They'll be too embarrassed… And our friendship might… collapse!"

"Shhh! Aerith!" Zack covered his wife's mouth.

Then there was silence on the other side too, a temporary relief for the Fairs but they knew that this was a sign that the worse was coming. They heard footsteps along with some laughter. A hinge moving opened was heard followed by the sounds of some chains and clincking metal.

Cloud chuckled _"Tifa, what are you up to now?"_

_"Time to tie you up wild chocobo"_

_"You think you can ride me cowgirl?"_

A loud sound of a whip hitting the floor was heard.

"_Hahaha! Yeeehaa!" _Tifa yelled as she ran and jumped on the bed.

The chocobo ride lasted for minutes, along with the sound of the rein being stretched and some whip blows (Cloud seemed to enjoy them.) Luckily, Zack and Aerith's duck under covers and bury your head under the pillows tactic were helping. The volume of Tifa's screaming and Cloud's grunts were reduced at least. Aerith was about to give a sigh of relief when Tifa gasped loudly and…

**_BLAM!_**

Something slammed the wooden wall hard enough to knock the headboard of their bed.

**_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!_**

_"Oh Cloud!"_

"_Oh no, it seems that the cowgirl has been pushed against a wall."_

**_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!_**  
><em>**

The wood creaked with each impact and the equally frail ceiling dusted off tiny debris. The tiny lamp on the dresser shook lightly, flicking as the switch got loose from its socket.

"_CLOUD! OH! CLOUD! AHH! CLOUD!"_

"_TIFA! OH! TIFA! OOH! TIFA! AHH! TIFA! _

The wall banging felt like an earthquake to the Fairs and they prepared themselves in case the wall collapses.

**_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!_**_**_**

"_CLA-AH-AH- AH-OOOOOUUDD!"_

"_TIFA-AH-AH-AH-AHHHHHHHHHH!"_

The night was the longest for Zack and Aerith.

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><p>The Fairs did not know how long their agony lasted the last night but they did know that they didn't get any sleep, or if they did have one it was the worst ever. The next morning they crawled out from their bedroom with heavy eyelids and went down to the kitchen with no appetite to eat breakfast.<p>

A knock came by the door. Zack trudged his way to open it.

"Morning!" It was Cloud, wearing shorts. He was followed by Tifa clothed in a modest house dress holding a newly baked pie with a gentle demeanor. They bore the same expression as usual: the saddest type of a happy face, smiling shyly. "Hey Zack, how's the place? Did you sleep well last night?" Cloud asked.

Zack was only silent as he saw reddish whip marks on Cloud's leg.

**_-End_**-

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><p><strong>That's it, I think I got a little rusty on fanfiction writing. All the academic work occupied my time to practice creative writing. And though I believe I have talent in crack fics, I have yet to find my real forte. Yeah I know, I suck at titles sometimes but I hope you got the pun. Nevertheless, I hope you liked it.<strong>

**I might write an extra chapter depending on your demand, my writing mood and time available. I already have a draft for it.**


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